creating with comfort.
Like a trapped animal might gnaw its leg off in a fit of desperation, I suppose I make my best creative work in times of duress.
I’ve been comfortable lately. I’m content, happy, and in love. I have a job that supports me financially. I have a wonderful partner and a stable, drama-free relationship. I don’t live in Texas anymore.
Art - particularly writing - has always been this mythical sentient thing that might whisk me away to safety. Now, I’ve made my own safety. It’s a pastel pink apartment where I can watch all the YouTube I want and make paprika-encrusted salmon and spinach salads. now, It’s hard to find the drive to work and write and risk the heartache of manuscript rejections.
I’m posting this publicly to hold myself accountable. I don’t want to grow slovenly and too-content with no longer creating. I don’t want to waste away happily working at my desk job, eating my little meals, and letting my dream of having a published novel drift to the wayside. I also don’t want to give everyone the illusion that my newfound laziness is because happiness is the enemy of creativity. I didn’t run away to Milwaukee for a happily ever after without any pain.
I’ve also been grappling with a condition called PMDD, which is detrimental to my mental health and also my creative process. Those who know what it is have probably heard of the sleepless nights and lengthy crying spells that come with a body that resents its own luteal phases. It’s hard to live with and it turns your brain into a sponge that sops up every drop of serotonin it can hold on to during the three-ish weeks where you’re not a mess. I was blessed to finally get a diagnosis for this mystery illness that’s plagued me for over a decade now.
All that is to say this: I’m going to write again. I’m reaching out to publications to find an agent for my book. I want to write more film reviews. I’m working on new music - both for myself and for a movie being written by my dad, Loren Rosser.
I ran away to Milwaukee, but I’m not running away from making art.
I leave you with my favorite song about Texas.
